Kishan Shah..

True story...happened to one of my wife's friends.

One day while in office someone approached her and asked" Madam, do you know where I can find Kishan Shah?"
She smiled and said..."Yes, tell me.. I am Cresenthia."

I would give anything to go back in time and checkout the look on the face of that gentleman :)

IT consultant

There is this guy whom I know. He completed civil engineering in 1992. He was working for some construction company after that.

When I was in college (roughly around 1999-2000) I once took this guy to an internet cafe. I guess this was his first time in a cafe.
He was sitting next to me when I typed yahoo.com and pressed Enter.
This guy started staring towards the printer.. After thirty seconds he asks me "Why are no mails coming?"
Hehehehe...screwed up..isnt it?

Well, I bumped into him again in 2010 in a different city.
"Hey how are you..?" I asked him.
"I am great. How are you?" he asked me.
"I am good mate .. where are you working?"
"I am an IT consultant in XYZ!!!"
 Insannnnnnee!!

Well...whats more screwed up? This guy or that fcuking company?
 
 

Ig Nobel prize winners of 2010

Presenting the Ig Nobel prize winners of 2010.


PHYSICS PRIZE: Lianne Parkin, Sheila Williams, and Patricia Priest of the University of Otago, New Zealand, for demonstrating that, on icy footpaths in wintertime, people slip and fall less often if they wear socks on the outside of their shoes.

PEACE PRIZE: Richard Stephens, John Atkins, and Andrew Kingston of Keele University, UK, for confirming the widely held belief that swearing relieves pain.

ECONOMICS PRIZE: The executives and directors of Goldman Sachs, AIG, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, and Magnetar for creating and promoting new ways to invest money — ways that maximize financial gain and minimize financial risk for the world economy, or for a portion thereof.

MANAGEMENT PRIZE: Alessandro Pluchino, Andrea Rapisarda, and Cesare Garofalo of the University of Catania, Italy, for demonstrating mathematically that organizations would become more efficient if they promoted people at random.

MEDICINE PRIZE: Simon Rietveld of the University of Amsterdam, The Netherlands, and Ilja van Beest of Tilburg University, The Netherlands, for discovering that symptoms of asthma can be treated with a roller-coaster ride.


...My personal favorite for 2010 is....

CHEMISTRY PRIZE: Eric Adams of MIT, Scott Socolofsky of Texas A&M University, Stephen Masutani of the University of Hawaii, and BP [British Petroleum], for disproving the old belief that oil and water don't mix.


For detailed references and previous years winners please refer to the follow link:

http://improbable.com/ig/winners/

:)

A recent chat conversation between my friend and me....



Him: dude...

Me: yes...

Him: we're nearing 30 rite...

Me: yup..so?

Him: i just realized..

Me: he he...what?

Him: that i should stop calling good looking women in the age group 35-45 aunties..

Me: :D

SPAM

Excellent spam mails (human creativity at its best) :


=============================================


Greetings,
I hope my message meets you well. I am in need of your assistance. My name is Captain Robert Kerr , I am in the Engineering military unit here in Luanda, Angola, and we have about $12.5 Million US dollars that we want to move out of the country. My partners and I need a good partner someone we can trust.It is legal money and we are moving it through diplomatic means to send it to your house directly or a bank of your choice using diplomatic courier service.
The most important thing is that can we trust you? Once the funds get to you, you take your 40% out and keep our own 60%. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds can be sent to. Our own part is sending it to you.
If you are interested I will furnish you with more details. The whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times.
Waiting for your urgent response. My private email address is captrkerr@w.cn
Regards,
Captain Robert Kerr

=============================================

Hello
I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears In my eyes and great sorrow in my heart because my Doctor told me that I will die less than three months time. Based on this development I want to will money which my late husband fixed in a bank for the future. I meant to use the money to setup a foundation but my health will not let me do anything again. I am in search of a reliable person who will use the Money to build charity organization for the orphans and cancer research and the person will take 30% of the total sum. While 70% of the money will go to charity organization and helping the orphanage. I grew up as an Orphan here In Brunei and I don't have anybody/family member to take care of my wealth. People I called my friend betrayed me and squandered what is left of my wealth , so I have no other choice than to do what I am doing now . I will provide you with all the information once you indicate your willingness and I ascertain that you are a good person.
Thank you for your time
Yours sincerely.
Mrs Yati Hameed

=============================================


That's a pretty nice page you have. This whole Orkut world is sorta new to me right about now.
Anyways, you seem cool and I'd like to know more. Do you ever play poker? I joined this free site, they give out real cash to winners but i need more people at our table before it can work. Anyways you should check out my profile, I'm usually on over there and I probably won't be logging in to orkut everyday: www.lovethatlivepoker,com/?userid=1436 oups i mean .com . But umm, please ignore my pics, lol!
So anyway, message me on there and we'll chat sometime! or play a game or something..
talk to you soon :)


=============================================

Shani Jayanti is on 12th June 2010 and could be the beginning of problems, if Shani Dev is not pleased with you.
Do you wish to know if Shani Dev is watching you and intends to step into your life?
Are you already feeling the negative effects of a malefic Shani in your Kundli?
Do you wish to know how to improve your life and be trouble-free?
Ask Acharyaji, if you are facing problems, and he will provide you solutions to Shani or other negative influences in your life.
To know more about Shani Jayanti and the report to protect yourself,
Please Click Here to Visit the Shani Jayanti Report

=============================================

Dear Valued Customer,
In order to make your online experience even more secured, we have introduced a security features that allows us to detect unusual activity on your account.
To implement this new feature on your account, you are required to click on the button below to login to your Account and follow the steps required.
https://www.ingvysyabank.com/security/resolve=acct
Thank You.
Accounts Management As outlined in our User Agreement, ING Vysya Bank will
periodically send you information about site changes and enhancements.
Visit our Privacy Policy and User Agreement if you have any questions.


=============================================


Like most American families, Ive struggled in the past with money and finances. In fact, my wife and I were working sixty hours a week as elementary school teachers and still barely scraping by. This wasnt how I wanted to live. This wasnt the life I wanted for me or my family and I finally went out and tried to find something that would help supplement my meager income. Well? not only did I find a supplement to my income, I started bringing in an additional $3,000, $4,000, even $7,000 extra a month! After finding the success Ive always dreamed of, I want to share it with you so that you too can make 2010 a prosperous year. Read my blog and find out how I did it! :D You'll be glad you did!
http://kill-debt.com/C/623/13128/1627528


=============================================

Are you facing any Career, Marriage, Love, Business & Money Related Problems. Pandit Kewal Anand Joshi Ji and his team of astrologers at www.atoot.com has helped me get rid of all my problems and I am very thankful to them. I was at a stage of life when nothing was working for me. My career was on the downside and I was not satisfied with my relationship.
With proper guaidance and remedies suggested by Pandit Ji, my career is on the rise and stress has completely gone away from my relationship. I am very thankful and would recommend everyone to contact him as he is a true spiritual advisor.
Click Here to Contact Pandit Kewal Anand Joshi Ji & Get Solutions to All Your Problems

Monisha Chande
Sr. Marketing Manager
Star Chemicals & Polymers Pvt Ltd
Andheri West
Mumbai

=============================================

Hello Dear,

Arrange or Love Marriage? What would you prefer?
Chat & Connect with someone special in Your Community!

Register & Chat Now Here
http://tinyurl.com/2u98qfu
All the best in your search.

Regards,
Sneha

=============================================


Attention: Sir/Madam, Reply Urgent.

I am Mr. Francis Dako, residence address at BP 15, Abidjan, Ivory Coast. I am the personal lawyer to late Mrs. Janet, a client of mine, whom has a servicing firm affiliated with the Julius Berger road construction in Cote d’Ivoire.

Late Mrs. Janet was awarded a contract worth (US$54,000,000.00) when she was alive and immediately this contract was signed, and an initial amount of (US$30.000, 000.00) was paid to her as mobilization fee to kick off the contract. She duly completed this contract pending when her remaining balance of (US$24,000,000.00) will be paid to her. On 2ND of March 2008, my client, her husband and their four children were involved in a car accident at Cocody, capital city of Ivory Coast. Unfortunately, all the occupants lost their lives.

Not too long after her untimely death, her outstanding balance of US$24,000,000.00 was approved and deposited in a Bank here. Right now the funds are still floating unclaimed in the suspense account of the offshore correspondence payment centre here.

I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as the deceased relative so that you can be paid the remaining balance of her contract funds left in the Bank, The Julius Berger road construction issued me a notice as the Attorney to the deceased to provide the relative, Next of Kin or have the Account confiscated in a short period of time and since then I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over a year that I have been searching.

I seek your concept to present you as the Next of Kin or family member to the deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname, so that the proceeds of this remaining balance of her contract funds valued at (US$24,000,000.00) can be paid to you. We shall both share the funds; 60% for me and 40% for you as we proceed.

I have all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up our claim. All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this project through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement.

Please contact me on this e-mail id mrfrancisdako@mail2world.com if interested and also call with this number: 225-451-125-33 for further details.

Thanks & best regards to you and your family.

Mr. Francis Dako.
Tel: 225-451-125-33
011-225-451-125-33

=============================================

The real reason behind the crash...

Our office-boy's take on the Mangalore air crash:

"Yeh sab log India me aise hi hai...paisa kamane ko chahiye par kharch nahi karne ka hai...idhar ke log bike ke tyre bhi chaar-paanch saal tak nahi badalte...flight ka tyre to sirf paanch minute kaam me aata hai....uske baad to hawa me uska kuch kaam nahi... pata nahi kitne saal se tyre nahi badla hoga... to woh to to phatega na..."


:) :)

Ulterior motive

Every friday I get a mail from my I.T. head in colorful fonts asking me to shut down my desktop, monitor, linux servers and other equipment for the weekend. The reason cited by him, is usually to save energy and contribute to a greener world.. "Go Green", he says!!

N then there are occasional mails stating that the AC temperatures will be remotely controlled for power conservation purposes.. due to which we have to literally sweat it out in the office at times.. (because its summer...and the Gods have gone crazy this yr...)..but its all for the greater good!! and no one complains....

until one day......

Three months down the line, he shoots off a mail in even bigger and flashier font to the Company Heads, Directors and Managers with us in cc, stating that he has managed to save xx lacs for the company by taking these initiatives. The company's electricity bills have gone down by 30%..blahh...blah....followed by a bar graph showing the electricity usage per month!!!

To me this mail means the following "Respected Heads, Directors and Managers: Please make sure that I get some part of this green money (which the company has saved through my idiotic initiatives) as a part of my hike. Also...please...consider me a candidate for Grade A during my appraisal..Also please give me some real work, because as you can see I have loads of free time (The usage of different fonts, colors and cosmetic decoration in the mail proves this)."

Go Green....or Save Green??... and pocket some of the green too!! ;)

Showing off!!

"Its bright n sunny...yippee!!"

This is her (a surd friend) status in google talk...I... like a gullible simpleton got sucked into asking her..."Really?? You are enjoying the heat??"

"Stupid.. I am in U.K. ...Onsite :)"

And we thought surds were dumb!!

Two States - The story of my marriage

The title says it all!

Punjabi Boy meets South Indian girl...they fall in love...parents dont agree...the usual complications involved in an inter caste marriage in India...

You have seen it a million times in bollywood movies or heard about it trillion times from Indian couples themselves....

The usual drama, hiccups, close calls, opportunities, dreams, depression, luck... yes its got it all!! In fact looks like Mr.Bhagat has written this book with solely one intention.. to clinch another movie deal :) ... but be more careful with the contract this time mate!!

BUT.... I would still recommend this book....for many reasons...

As usual, Mr.Bhagat's storytelling ability is fantastic.. though the book is predictable, it has a good pace (the end is a bit hurried though) ..so you never get bored..
There are many instances in the book which make you smile... and there are a few which actually make you laugh too....
The characters are well portrayed...most of them are ideal representatives of their states...
You can relate to the characters and the incidents...


So, if you are planning to watch the new Himesh movie "RADIO" for 100 bucks, skip it.. buy this book for 95.. Its a better way to spend three hours.

Horny Indians

Got this as a fwded mail. Couldnt resist posting it.

The question is : What is the difference between google.com and google.co.in


The answer lies in the images below.... :D

Random thoughts...

Some random thoughts:

1. All urgent tasks are assigned to you in office when its time to leave for the day.

2. Locating a key in your pocket under ideal conditions is sometimes more difficult than finding and pressing the snooze button with your eyes closed.

3. I spend hours in choosing which songs will go into my pod, but strangely I just like one in ten songs when they are being played.

4. Your good friend becomes a bad guy, if he is promoted and you have to work under him. As the law says “All bosses suck.”

5. I get terrified when Word asks me if I want to save any changes to a thirty-five page project plan that I swear I didn’t make any changes to.

6. Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you are wrong.

7. Is it just I or is the world really getting worse every year?

8. Is it just I or is this conversation between the managers, who are clueless about the technology, pure bullshit?

9. I wish there was an invisible mode in life too, just like the messenger.

10. There are moments when you feel terrible and are sure that nothing will make you laugh the whole day but the next moment something happens and you cant stop laughing.

11. After a certain degree, frustration and anger turns into humor.

12. Why do pants never get dirty like shirts?

13. Sometimes I stare at a watch for hours and still don’t know what time it is.

14. First I used to work. Then I divided work into good and bad and did the good part. Now I am a manager.

15. I can’t imagine that there are people who get in the shower first and then turn on the water.

Yeda Anna's dance performance.

This one will definitely make you smile.

All you have to do is watch the following music video from the movie "Chup Chup Ke" :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rlrzito6FR8


Check out Sunil Anna's struggle at the following instances:

1. 33rd second

2. 1 min 54th second

3. from 3 min 15 seconds to 3 min 21 seconds


Enjoy!!

The truth

*10% of Software Professionals are predicted to be affected by major diseases like Carpal tunnel syndrome, heart diseases etc

*20% of Software Professionals marry their co-workers

*30% of Software Professionals are interested in Live in relationship because they tend to hate the responsibility both in office and house

*40% of Software Professionals are confused about settling down (India or abroad)

*50% of Software Professionals has No savings in their Bank Account

*60% of Software Professionals are not satisfied with their current wages

*70% of Software Professionals work more than 8 hours across globe

*80% of Software Professionals live away from their Parents

*90% of Software Professionals are NOT HAPPY about their Life, meeting deadlines, client satisfaction, incentives, promotions, increment, onsite trips, wife, children, visa status, and commitments

*100% of Software professionals wish they had a choice other than computers in their life at least once in their lifetime

ROFL !!

Check out Kaka at IIFA awards...hehehe....lmao!!!

Now that's a style statement!!

Jai ho!!



Image Courtesy: DNA

Busybee

In the history of Indian journalism, there will never be another humorist like Busybee; he was the Art Buchwald of India, the P.G. Wodehouse of our times and more, a writer with a brilliant sense of timing for satire and humour, but with a soft and sensitive pen. And with a flow of words that could have readers rolling in their living rooms, offices and suburban trains on their way home; or moistened with emotion and sepia-tinged nostalgia. That was Busybee.

And he conveyed all this through a cast of fictionary characters with himself in the lead, and ably supported by a spouse he simply named "the wife", two sons who never grew up, Darryl and Derrek, a unimaginably rich but generous friend who lived in the 21st floor penthouse of one of Bombay's high rises, and talking dog Bolshoi the Boxer. Busybee drew them all into his column 'Round and About', though which he told his reader that it was perfectly fine to be the Common Man.

Do go through some of his writings:

http://www.busybeeforever.com/round.asp

How was your day?

How was your day?

I wake up late today and miss my office bus. Then I take an auto and get stuck in a big jam. By the time I reach office, it was half past eleven. I open my mailbox and see that there is a huge amount of work already queued up. As soon as I start with work, I get interrupted by my boss. He wants me to attend this meeting with the clients. The meeting could have been shorter if the clients had brains. It literally took me one hour to explain what a child could have understood in ten minutes. I grab a mug of coffee after the meeting to soothe my headache. I start with my pending work while more work keeps pouring in. I have a quick lunch and I am back in a meeting which is even worse than the earlier one. After the meeting, my boss asks me to complete the whole work by evening and I am like “are you nuts?” How can he expect me to do my work while all I am doing is attending meetings? I try my best to wrap up as much as possible. Issues keep popping up and I am not 100% into what I am doing. Its eight already and all I want to do is leave office. I try to sneak out, but get unlucky and meet my boss in the parking lot. I assure him that I will finish the pending work tomorrow. I take an auto and get stuck in a traffic jam again. I reach home and all I can think of is crashing on the bed. How was your day?

It was OK.

Need a name

My friend and I happened to notice these paintings at a local restaurant. My friend suggested a name which fitted these beauties perfectly.
What would you call them?

Wanna do an MBA from here?

This is the gate of the Boys hostel of a prestigious Business school. We proved our identities, but weren't permitted inside.

As it is we weren't much interested in getting in, since there wont be any chicks around. The place is "out of bound" for girls.