Monday, June 30, 2008

Patience pays

We have been waiting for a "Thing" to happen in our lives since long.
We have suffered many hardships, gone through the toughest of days, fought bitterly, abused each other, cried and what not.
The important thing is that we always get back together. The "Thing" is our ultimate goal.
We are near to this "Thing" now. For the first time in our long journey we have got positive signs related to the "Thing".
Going ahead if a thought comes into my mind. Were all the hardships, the bad days, the fights, the sorrows worth it?
Yes they were!!
Anything for you "Thing".

Mr. Stress

Mr.Stress, you can’t be seen, but there is no doubt about your existence in the world. Ask a normal guy like me about him and you will see fear in my eyes. Why do we fear something we cannot see?
Though Mr.Stress cannot be seen, you can feel him lurking around in shadows waiting to pin you down with his weight. The moment you submit yourself to him, he overpowers you and starts controlling you. You feel pressed down and start feeling depressed. But Mr.Stress has only started his wicked game. He will try to crush you under himself. With every weak thought of yours Mr.Stress gains weight and you lose ground. And then comes a time when you feel it is better to evaporate rather than bear Mr.Stress anymore.
Dear friend, Mr.Stress resides in your mind. You have the power to throw him out if you want. No one else can do that for you.
So go ahead and throw the mothafu*** out!!!

Thought

Will I be able to identify what happiness feels like, if there was no sorrow?
Happiness exists because of sorrow. Just the way day exists because of night and good exists because of bad.
The very fact that equal and opposite forces exist is the reason that hope exists. Without negativity there would be no hope for positivism. In times of sorrow there is hope for happiness. In bad times there is hope for good times.
I would go to extent to say that human life exists because of hope.
We are because we hope. Without hope, we will cease to exist. We cling to hope as a parasite clings to its host for survival. Don’t we?
Think about it.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Expectations

From wiki:
"In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centred on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order."

EXPECTATION has spoiled my day again!!
Is there a solution? Can we stop expecting? Why do we expect in the first place?
In my case the closeness of the person who betrays my expectation is directly proportional to the amount of hurt it causes to me.
And in my case its not uncertainty which caused expectation which in turn caused hurt. It was a thing mutually decided on. The people involved knew what exactly has been decided, what is to be done and what the outcome would be. But the outcome has not turned out as per my expectation. I have been hurt again because of this 11-lettered word.
But who cares about me??No one.

Sundays

Till some years back I used to look forward to Sundays. In fact, I used to long for Sundays throughout the week. While in school, Sunday meant a fun day. You were free to do what you wanted. No school, no tuitions, no homework (if you were smart enough to complete that by Saturday itself). You could do what you wanted. My schedule used to be something like:

Saturday: All excited about Sunday. Every minute planned.
9:00 hrs wake up.
10:00 hrs get ready and have breakfast while watching the kids shows on TV.
10:30 hrs go down and call friends
11:00 hrs start playing cricket.
14:00 hrs Ignore mom calling for lunch
14:15 hrs Ignore mom calling for lunch
14:30 hrs Ignore mom calling for lunch
15:00 hrs Go home finally drenched in sweat (wowww..its been long since I enjoyed sweat)
15:01 hrs Mom ignoring you asking for lunch
15:15 hrs Finally having lunch and down again.
15:20 hrs Either play cards or chess under the comfort of the big coconut trees (except in rains. In the rains we used to shift our adda to the building entrance)
17:00 hrs Start playing cricket/football again
19:30 hrs Exhausted. Take a walk to the nearest grocery shop and have a cold drink or nimbu paani.
20:00 hrs Back to our adda and chit chat and gossip
21:00 hrs Come home and have dinner
21:30 hrs Catch some more TV.
22:00 hrs Look forward to the next Sunday and sleep peacefully.

Even now I look forward to Sundays. But it’s not a fun day anymore. It’s a day when I don’t have to go to office. The definition has changed. It’s a very important day and I try to make it count every time unsuccessfully. This is how:

Thursday What am I going to do on this Sunday? Unsuccessful plan 1.
Friday What am I going to do on this Sunday? Unsuccessful plan 2.
Saturday What am I going to do on this Sunday? Unsuccessful plan 3.
Sunday Oh my God! Its Sunday and still I don’t know what I am going to do today.
7:30 hrs Wake up and wonder why I woke up so early on a Sunday.
8:00 hrs Take the newspaper and scan it for the movie schedules on TV and the near by multiplexes.
8:30 hrs Make tea and breakfast for yourself.
9:30 hrs Try to inspire roommates to go for a movie.
10:30 hrs Decide to take a bath
11:30 hrs Decide to take a bath attempt 2
12:30 hrs Take a bath
13:30 hrs Start deciding on what to have for lunch
14:30 hrs have lunch
15:00 hrs Sleep (fitfully)
17:00 hrs Start deciding what is to be done in the evening
18:00 hrs maybe catch a movie or do some shit somewhere.
21:00 hrs Have dinner and come back home.
22:00 hrs Try to sleep.
23:00 hrs Take a vow that the next Sunday will be better before falling asleep.

How I miss my childhood Sundays!!!

Me

Do I really have to introduce myself here??
Maybe I do. For the sake of the few who will visit this page. People who don’t care about me and about whom I don’t care, but still I will try and introduce myself.
I am one of the many confused souls in his 20s. With a good educational background and a good job (Aren’t these the key to a good life as we have always been told?) but still trying to figure out "what is missing in my life?"
Some things about me.
I am a perfectionist. Though no one around agrees. I see myself as one. I will find faults with the best of things with others and believe that whatever I do is perfect. "There seems to be some problem with people who point out my mistakes. I am bloody perfect. Wrong, who me??? No ways!!"
Before you form an opinion about me.... please read the blog fully...if you don’t then you are probably like me. I too like to form opinions really fast.
Currently I am not passionate about anything in life. Once upon a time I used to like a lot of things. Sports, music, painting, traveling, reading. etc. I have left almost all of these behind me except for reading and music. Who has time for sports or painting anyways?? That’s what I tell myself...lying to oneself is the worst thing that anyone can do, but I am an expert. Only I can convince myself.
For people whom I like I am a good friend. I stay away from people whom I don’t like. I learnt that from a friend and follow it religiously. It simplifies a lot of things in your life.
Since this is the first time I am writing, I don’t know what else to say.
So I will stop here.
I don’t know how frequently I ll be writing here. I don’t know what I ll be writing about. But I will write.
I will definitely write.