Again

As I waited for my office bus along with three other colleagues, I hoped for her to be there in it. It was strange that I was experiencing this yet again. I remembered the day when I had vowed not to fall for anyone again in my life. I was bitter with my life and myself. It was then when I had decided “Never again!”
But here I was back to square one. I felt kind of silly. I was thirty four now. Wasn’t it too late to fall in love? Aint I too old for all this? Is this the reason that I have not married yet? Was I waiting for this?
It all started three months back. I am impulsive, when it comes to love. I believe in love at first sight. I had gone weak in my knees when I saw her for the first time. It was her first day in office and the HR introduced her to me. One look and I knew, she was the one. She was pretty in her own way. She wasn’t dazzling or something, but she had something in her that captivated me. The rest of that day in office was spent in dreaming about her.
The next few days were spent in research. I used up all my sources to find out about her. Within a few days, I had all the information I needed. She was twenty eight and single (I came to know that she had broken up with her boyfriend sometime back). She stayed with a friend, who was already engaged and about to get married in three months. The rented apartment where she was staying was ten minutes away from my house. I also had a list of her likes and dislikes with me. Her favorite color, flower, fruit, vegetable, perfume and even the kind of guys she liked. I was pretty happy with my research. I had all the information I needed and most of it was in my favor since we happened to share similar tastes in many aspects.
I got to work upon the information I had managed to receive. A few hours of shopping and some visits to a local parlor and I was ready. I was now having three sky blue shirts, which happened to be her favorite color. I was also a shade fairer. She liked fair guys. I had a new Calvin Klein perfume which seemed to be her favorite. My old specs gave way to trendy new ones. Everyone in office noticed the change. I also got a few compliments from my colleagues.
Now came the difficult part. I had to initiate conversation with her. The fact that she was in another team in office made this difficult. But she used to commute in the office bus. I ditched my car and started using the office bus. To my disappointment, the seat next to her always used to be occupied. One week went by, two…three… when suddenly one day I got lucky. The seat was vacant. My heart skipped a beat and I cursed myself for not wearing the blue shirt. I was wearing her favorite perfume though. I sat next to her.
Ten minutes later I was still staring into my newspaper, pondering over how to initiate a conversation. Luckily she cursed the heavy traffic and gave me an opening. I joined in complaining about the traffic, citing reasons for the traffic and also proposing solutions to control it. When I finally stopped ranting, I realized that I had probably over spoken. As I was contemplating the effects, she smiled back. I breathed a sigh of relief and introduced myself. She said that she knew me as I was quite popular in office and introduced herself in return. Some more discussion on the weather, current affairs and her previous company and the silly bus reached office.
For the next few days, the seat next to her was occupied. She used to smile back when I smiled at her everyday. This was the only communication that we shared for a week or so. I knew that I had to strike again soon, before the memories of our first conversation lost its effect on her. Opportunity presented itself when there was only one seat vacant in the cafeteria one morning. The seat opposite to her. I slowly made my way to it with my breakfast and asked her if the seat was occupied. As expected, it was empty and so I gladly sat down. This time it was easier to initiate talks. In no time we were engrossed in a conversation. The topic was empowerment of women. For the first time in my life I was not being a male chauvinist and supporting women. The topic drifted to the not so good food served in office, taking advantage of which I asked her out for lunch. She accepted and I was overjoyed.
The lunch was a hit. We ordered the right dishes and talked about all the right things. We cracked jokes, laughed, debated on issues, discussed books, discussed movies, discussed people and discussed relationships. By the end of lunch, our stomachs were stuffed with food and our hearts were closer to each other. We actually decided to go for a movie together on that weekend. It was my first real date after eight years.
The next month flew by. Lunches, movies, dinners, shopping, outings and many more things that we did together only brought us closer. In a span of few days we became the best of friends and ended up chatting for hours everyday on the phone. I knew that she liked me as a friend. It was time to move things to the next level. I was going to propose to her. I visited the local temple before the D day and bribed God.
As the bus arrived, my heart skipped a beat. I was sweating and nervous. I stepped in and my eyes searched for her. There she was in her usual seat. The bribe had worked; the next seat was empty. As I sat down next to her, I could see that her eyes were red and swollen. It seemed as if she had been crying the whole night. I asked her if there was any problem. She didn’t reply back and for the rest of the bus drive we were silent. I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to give her some space and time. Before lunch she called me and asked me to accompany her for lunch.
She started crying during lunch, which made me look stupid in front of the people around. But I didn’t care. I was only concerned about her. She explained to me that the reason for breaking up with her ex-boyfriend (Sumit) was that his parents were opposed to them being together. They had tried a lot to convince them, but all in vain. In the end Sumit had got engaged to a girl of his parents choice. She said that Sumit had called her the previous night. He had broken off the engagement and was ready to leave his parents for her. He had begged her to come back to him. She said that she was confused and didn’t know what to do.
I smiled at her and asked her to do what her heart said was right. My own heart was heavy, but I didn’t show it. I wanted to tell her to leave everything behind and come with me, but I didn’t say it. I wanted to express how much I liked her, in fact loved her, but I couldn’t do it. Something inside me stopped me.
Two days later I was introduced to Sumit who thanked me profusely for helping her to take the right decision.
That evening, as I sipped Scotch, I realized that the repair done in the last eight years of my life had been wiped off. I was back at the same point where I was then.