Goa, beer and the interview.

It’s raining hard outside. It’s a gloomy afternoon. The silver skoda octavia is crawling at a snails pace, since we aren’t decided on where to go. The windows are up and there is a ton of smoke inside the car. The music inside is deafening too. Every one of us has beer bottles open. We have been drinking since morning. Since Sunday morning and today is Tuesday. After all that’s what people do when they come to Goa.

I had an interview scheduled on Monday morning (yesterday) regarding which I had asked my friend G to remind me about. I had told this to him when we were on the way to Goa and already couple of Vodka shots down. He said “Oki mate.” His tone was such that I felt that I need not worry about the interview anymore. He sounded so confident of remembering it that I conveniently forgot about it. Come Monday morning G was enjoying the beach and the cold beer. He was lying next to me when my phone rang. When I was done answering the call, he asked me innocently “Kaun tha?” Imagine that! I had managed to convince the guy on the phone to postpone the interview to afternoon. Not only did I abuse G for not remembering the interview time, I committed the mistake of asking him to remind about the one scheduled for the afternoon. “Oki mate” was his reply again.

After a lazy lunch at Britto’s and couple of more beers, we decide to drive around and stop wherever we feel like. That is what beer and good food does to you. You become lazy. We are too lazy to decide anything. So we decide to play it smart and drive around. In some time it starts raining, so we have to roll up the windows. All of us are drunk and senseless banter is in full flow. I am sandwiched in between two guys on the rear seat. One of them wants to dance inside the car. The other guy is overweight and every time he laughs, the suspensions of the car are tested. So is my patience! I am trying hard to enjoy the rock music, my beer (sixth or seventh since morning) and my cigarette. G is driving the car. This is when the phone rings. I realize suddenly that it’s the interview call and I glare at him. He looks at me apologetically. I then ask him to reduce the volume and demand for silence in the car. There’s a hush in the car and I loudly proclaim that it’s an interview call and I am going to take the interview in the car. There are some cheers which die off when I raise my hand. This is what happens next:

Me: Hello.

Interviewer: Hi, I am calling from so n so..blah..blahh… are you ready for the interview?

Me: Yeah. I just had my lunch and fortunately I don’t have my three o clock meeting in office today. (I grin and wink at the others in the car.)

Interviewer: Nice. Then let’s start. Could you explain to me about what you are working on in your current company?

The track changes and we have Joe Satriani now. Instinctively one of the guys reaches out and ups the volume. He realizes his folly and turns down the volume when four hands reach out and smack him on the head. He smiles sheepishly and asks for forgiveness.

Me: I am working as…blah..blah….umm…blahh..

Interviewer: Ok, so what you are working on is related to access side or core side?

Me: Core side.

Interviewer: Ok, but the features you are working on sound from the access side. Anyways, do you know about OSI?

Me: Huh? (OSI is what I studied in college. My work involves working on a different stack now. I couldn't believe she was asking me about something she knew i havent worked on.) No ma’am I have worked on a different stack. I have studied OSI in college though.

There are some conking sounds are new beer bottles are opened and old ones are disposed off. Some cheering too! Come on guy, gimme a break, I think.

Interviewer: I will ask you about OSI then. What is OSI? Tell me in brief.. Blah..blahhh.

Me: (Why does she have to ask me about OSI though I have never worked on it. Anyways what’s the harm is replying.) OSI is….blah..blahh..

I hear some laughter. I turn around and see that people are suppressing their laughter. It’s a weird situation to be in. They are laughing on me. I want to kill them.

Interviewer: Ok, can you tell me in brief about CDMA?

Me: CDMA is ….blah….blaahhh….

Interviewer: Ok, can you tell me in brief about SS7?

Me: SS7 is blahh..blahhh..

I am feeling irritated by the muffled laughter. I elbow the guy to my right and the one to my left. My left hand bounces back as if it had hit a pillow (the fat guy J). They are having a good time laughing on me.

Interviewer: Ok..blaah..blahh…

Me: Ok..blahh..blaah…

………Let me skip some of the technical blah blah.. And come to the last part of the interview. I am really irritated by this time. One of the guys in the car has almost gone hysterical. They are all bored of the interview and the song volume is not so low. They are chit chatting around me as if nothing of importance is happening.

Interviewer: Ok. Thanks a lot. If you don’t mind ….from my side..there are a few suggestions.. you need to brush up your knowledge on CDMA… and … SS7.

Now…this pisses me off. I am drunk and I am irritated. Doubting about my technical capabilities now isn’t exactly the greatest thing I need. I am angry..Grrr…I shout…

Me: Excuse me. I think I have pretty good knowledge about CDMA and SS7. I think you have not asked the correct questions. There are 1000 page books on each of these protocols. How can I explain the protocols to u in brief? You ask specific questions and I ll give u specific answers. I have in depth knowledge of these. I am responsible of taking CDMA and SS7 sessions for the new joiners in my company.

There is silence. On the phone! And in the car! No one speaks. My friends cannot believe that I am shouting at the interviewer. One of them passes me a lighted cigarette which I gladly accept. I am not bothered by the consequences. I am plain angry. On the interviewer!

Interviewer: I am sorry….maybe you are right.. Maybe I didn’t ask the correct specific questions..fine..

Someone in the car giggles. The tension breaks in the car and new beers bottles are opened. I am still angry.

Me: Ok. No issues.

Interviewer: Ok, So our HR will get back to you if you are selected for the next round. Thank you.

Me: Thank you.

I hang up, light a cigarette and open a new beer for myself. I am sweating and still angry. Everyone in the car is laughing and imitating me. They are making me realize what a blunder I have done. I am feeling sick. I know I am not going to make it through. But I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me. I know I am good and that is what counts. To hell with the interview and to hell with my friends. They are mocking me now. Hmm…too bad!!


Next day morning I get a call. I pick it up and it’s the HR.

“Sir, you have been selected for the second round. Could we schedule it tomorrow?”

“Sure.” I smile and my friends cannot believe it.