Credit cards for sale

I am sure this has happened to you too.

It’s a lazy sunday morning. Time is around 9:00 a.m. The aroma of the delicious breakfast your mom is cooking wont let you sleep. You are trying to figure out how to make the best of the day and also fighting your conscience not to go to sleep again. In this struggle between your mind and body suddenly your cell phone rings. Beep beep.

You spring back to life and start the process of locating your cell phone. As per Murphy’s Law of the Workshop “Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner”. I know this is not the best example to quote, but all I wish to convey is that your usually accessible cell phone will be difficult to find at the moment of need. Finally after locating my cell phone in the least imaginable corner, I check who is calling me at this early hour. Whenever my phone rings at odd hours, my heart expects it to be my Ex. (Isn’t this true with everyone of us?) Well, as always, it is not my Ex. It is an unknown number that sends chills down my spine. I kind of know who this is. I know its not going to be easy but I get a determined look going on my face (as if the caller could actually see me) and answer the call. This is what follows:

Me: Hullo.

Her: (I can make out the fake accent and a put on seductive voice) Huhlo Sir. Am I speaking to Mr.x

Me: (fear in my eyes) Yes.

Her: Good morning Mr.X. This is P here. Is this is a good time to speak to you Sir.

Me: (Of course. Its just 9:00 a.m. on a Sunday. Imagine your guts lady. But I believe this is more of rhetoric than a thoughtful question from her side. So, I decide not to lose my calm) Yes. What is this about?

Her: Sir, I am speaking from ABCD Bank. We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected to receive a free Gold credit card from our bank.

Me: (Silence.)

Her: (She mistakes my silence as a cue to go on.) Sir, This card will be provided to you free of cost. It is a lifetime free offer. No additional charges or annual fees.

Me: (Silence.)

Her: (She is now confident that “bakra phas gaya”) All we need from you is a copy of your latest salary slip.

Me: (Silence)

Her: Sir, are you there?

Me: Yes.

Her: So, Sir when can I send an executive to collect your salary slip?

Me: (Imagine her guts) Sorry Madam, I am not interested.

Her: (Gone is the fake accent and the seductive voice. Her voice now is more like an angry girlfriend) But why sir? The card is absolutely free.

Me: (And I was almost falling for the voice) Madam, I repeat I am not interested.

Her: (getting more angry now) May I know the reason why you are not interested.

Me: (This is life. On a Sunday morning me explaining to a stranger why I don’t want the credit card) I already have a credit card madam.

Her: (The accent is back. She still feels that she can pull this off) let me tell you Sir what are the advantages of our card, which no other bank offers. We offer 5% cash back on every petrol pump, 2% cash back on telephone bills..

Me: Sorry Madam, I simply don’t want your card.

Her: (As if I don’t exist) ..1% cash back on every purchase at Y mall, 10 reward points with purchase of every 1000 rupees, etc etc.

Me: (I am angry now) Madam, don’t you understand that I don’t want this card.

Her: (Her voice softens. She tries to gain sympathy) But why Sir?

Me: (Almost tearing my hair) Because Indian is a free country and I am a free man. I can decide what I want and what I don’t want. And I have decided that I don’t want this card of yours. Please leave me alone.

Her: (Silence)

Me: Hullo…Hullo?

Her: (Her voice is that of a woman who has been turned down for a date) Ok Sir. You don’t have to shout.

Me: (I actually sympathize, not knowing that this is a trick) I am sorry. I don’t mean to be rude.

Her: (The accent is back again) its ok Sir. I can understand. So you have any requirement for a personal loan? We offer personal loans at attractive interest rates..

Me: (I want to cry) Nooooooooooo…

Her: Ok Sir. At least do you have references? Anyone amongst your friends or colleagues who needs loans or cards?

Me: (grinning) Yes I do..please take down the following numbers of my friends…

Didn’t I say, this has happened to you too!