Love

What is love? For an egoist love is “I”, for a philanthropic love is everything except “I”. For a mother it is her child, but for the child it may not be the mother. For some it is life, for others it is just a chemical reaction. Why does the same word touch both ends of the spectrum when interpreted by different individuals? How can a word be so different when seen through someone else’s eyes? How?

I believe Love is a feeling that exists only between a subject and a particular object. For every other subject the feeling for that particular object is different. Confusing? “I love my mother.” No one else can understand what is that I feel for my mother. My brother may love my mother too, but I will never understand his feelings for her.

Strangely the definition of love has been different for me at various stages of my life. But isn’t this true with all of us?

When I was six, I was madly in love with a bollywood actress. Her stunning looks, strong persona on screen and her dance moves had me crazy for a long time. I used to look forward to her movies on DD-1 or DD metro. I used to be on time for Chayageet to catch a glimpse of her. I collected her pictures and even had a book full of her pictures with captions on each page. I remember the sincere efforts put in by me to maintain that book. It was my prized possession and took immense pride in displaying it at every possible occasion. (Just the way Vinay Pathak displays his book in Bheja Fry). She ruled my heart for a long time. Also I had no idea that sex existed. Love was more of admiration in those days.

Next stage in my life I was in love with myself. I don’t remember when the transition happened but I remember why it happened. I was doing well in all aspects of life. School, tuitions, home, playground… I was better than everyone around me. I had a fan following of friends who admired me. This led to me to believe that I am special and I fell in love with myself. This period lasted till I was in school. As seen during this period, for me, love was worship. Self Worship!

My next transition in life was college, which shattered my previous love. The domain was bigger here. It was like being transported from an auto to a bus. Here I realized that I wasn’t so special after all. I was ordinary. So I decided to go with the crowd (Going with the crowd is the worst decision one makes at any point in life. Most of the times you end up on the wrong side of the road). Almost all the discussions with friends used to be about girls. So, like many people, I started hunting for a girl friend to fall in love with. What a foolish thing to do! Love to me at that age, was Lust. This period was relatively short.

Next came luxury. I was amongst rich friends who had luxury at their feet. Booze, smoke and a happening lifestyle got to me. I was in love with anything that was cool. I enjoyed a lot of parties and night outs, made a lot of friends, did a lot of wild things and loved it. Love was all this and much more to me during this phase of my life. It was later when I realized that all these things could satisfy only temporarily. In the end you get bored of it.

Next came the wish to do something in life. I set a goal for myself and fell in love with the goal. The goal was to get on the right track to a good career. I chose a post graduation entrance test. Cracking this exam became my mantra. I was in love with English, mathematics and statistics. I worked hard and toiled day and night, which wouldn’t have been possible if I wasn’t in love with what I was doing. Love was ambition for me then.

I couldn’t achieve my goal. I decided not to break, but to fight. I took up a job and tried to love it. But I couldn’t. During this phase of life due to some personal reasons money became my love. I wanted a better job with a higher pay. I slogged myself and very soon got into a good job. The pay was good too. I was finally with money, which was my love.

Here I am today, curious to know..how would love feel like tomorrow?

P.S. I have always been in love with my family, with my friends and with her. These things have been purposefully left out.